There are many great things about being a delivery guy. There is however, one drawback. The job requires you to interact with people regularly. And as human beings can be a peculiar bunch, it’s bound to give you some weird stories to tell around the campfire. This is our collection of tales as told by the delivery guys.
1. Leopard print thong
There was no answer when I rang the doorbell a couple of times, so I called the contact number. I could see and hear the phone ringing in the hall. Eventually, this huge fat guy goes to the phone wearing nothing but a leopard print thong. He answered, and I told him I was at the front door. He saw me, put on some clothes and gave me a large tip out of embarrassment.
2. Left hanging
This happened to our delivery guy, when he was sent to an army dormitory. He arrived to find the door slightly open. Expecting to find a drunk soldier he pushed the door open only to find the soldier had hung himself and was dead. He had planned it and this was how he wanted to be discovered. Our poor delivery man had the gruesome find followed up by hours of filling police reports.
3. Pizza for nudes
After delivering a pizza to a scantily clad woman, I got text messages from her, which end with me receiving three or four nude photos. After a while I figured I’d sent her a text, only for her to ghost me with, “Sorry, who’s this?” I told her who I was, and she tells me to open an account at adultfriendfinder.com. How’s that for good advertising?
4. Stripping kids
These two kids who must have been around five or six opened the door and started stripping. As soon as it began, I called out for a parent. The kids then mocked me, using the genitals as puppets and making monster noises. I was about to leave when a parent finally came to the door and paid me as if nothing had happened.
5. Pawn stars
When I arrived at the door, there was a note telling me to come inside and pick up the money. I went inside and saw some money alongside another note. The note said the cash was a few pounds short and I should take the microwave to a pawn shop to make up the difference. I wasn’t sure if it was legal, but I did it anyway and ended up with a nice fourteen pound tip.
6. Unearthly odours
The customer asked me to go into the apartment to deliver the pizza which isn’t unusual. As I stepped in a foul stench hit me, and as walked closer to the customer it only got worse. It felt like it took an age to finally get the money from the woman so I could leave. When I got out, I puked and puked again until I was dry heaving.
7. Grisly Home Alone
A girl answered the door at one of our regular customers. I asked if her if parents were home. She told me her Mum wasn’t there, and her Daddy wasn’t alive anymore. I decided I should call the police, they came and told me I could go. I never found out exactly what happened, but it was the last order we received from the address.
8. Adult baby
This guy opened the door dressed up like a baby. He had a diaper on and a bow in his hair. Luckily this adult baby had the ability to talk and pay so I could escape this awkward situation.
9. Last Meal
I was on time, but too late for this customer. When I arrived there was an ambulance outside. The customer’s daughter explained her Mum had passed away, and I was the last person she had spoken to.
10. Tips for tips
I ended up having a regular customer from a gay bar/strip club. He used to pay me with the money crumpled in his underwear. I didn’t mind too much as he always unfolded it and tipped generously.